The Actual House Wives of the Exteriority

The Director and all other elements from The Crawlspace are © Chris Schwartz and Red Glass Films and appear with permission. Alexandria’s Genesis was created by Cameron Aubernon and appears with permission.

2013.

A young woman steps out of the woods, coming up on the decrepit summer house. She moves slowly and cautiously, keeping up her vigil for security cameras and similar devices. She’s surprised, given the nature of her quarry, when she spots none. But perhaps that’s a fault of her eyes, honed as they are.

The wind whispers oddly over the boards of the long-abandoned house. The window shutters flap in the breeze, and the sound of dead leaves striking the siding occasionally recalls the fall of rain. The young woman, Agent Steeple, is no pushover—not by any means. One doesn’t get to her place in the ranks of NOCTURNE by letting fear control one’s life. But she still allows herself a soft side, and it’s that soft side that shudders at the sight before her.

The loneliness of this place feels like a lie, when she knows that her target may still be hiding here. Still producing his macabre work, distributing it to the unsuspecting.

She keeps up her steady pace until she’s at the front door. She steps inside into the dirty, empty living room.

She can only guess at what terrible secrets wait beneath her feet.

* * *

INTRO.

“Previously, on The Actual House Wives of the Exteriority…”

Cuts to the scene of Katie’s party in the ballroom set. The girls are screaming at each other.

KATIE: ...oh, blah, blah, blah! In one ear out of the other, honey, you think that means anything to me?

ANGELICA: You oughta be listening, bitch! You know, you’re always stuffing stuff between your legs, why don’t you try getting something between your ears?

KATIE: Oh, f[BLEEP] you! F[BLEEP] you!

Cuts to Marilyn running barefoot out of the room, holding her heels over her head. Verity stares at her from a distance.

MARILYN (smiling, to the camera): We’re done. That’s enough, we’re done tonight.

Back to the dining room.

VANESSA: Girls? Girls? Let’s stop this, c’mon…

KATIE (to Vanessa): You need to watch your dumb f[BLEEP]ing friend.

ANGELICA (to Katie): And you need to watch your f[BLEEP]ing manslut husband!

Fade to black.

VERITY (VO): And now, the conclusion.

Cut to opening titles and theme w/ taglines.

VANESSA ANTONIO: The Exteriority goes on forever—just like family!

ANGELICA VAN BOLT: They say money’s no good down here...but, I still collect it anyway.

VERITY OJO: When you keep an open mind, you can get out of anything. An open wallet helps too!

MARILYN SMITH-JONES: Some call this place Hell, but anywhere is Heaven if you’ve got faith.

KATIE RUBEN: I may be stuck in the Backrooms, but I’m at the front of every line.

EPISODE 236.

Fade in, text appears in bottom left: Day after Katie’s party.

Katie is waking up from bed. Her room is like her bedroom back in the Frontrooms, with exquisite furniture and silk curtains, but her windows open up into nothing. She pulls her sleeping mask off of her face and picks up her phone. On her end table is a mixed drink, which she sips from a little.

KATIE: Ow, my head, ugh. Wow. Looks like a missed call from Verity.

She calls her. Cut back and forth between them as they talk.

KATIE: Hey, boo, why you calling me so early?

VERITY: I just wanted to check in with you, darling. Things didn’t go the way you planned, I’m guessing?

KATIE: Yyyeah, that’s putting it lightly. I was supposed to have this big peace talk with Angelica about all the...rumor shit that’s been flying around.

VERITY: Rumors, yeah. I remember.

KATIE: And she just, like, blew up. She was a total bitch about it. She and Vanessa teamed up on me, like they always do, and Marilyn was...f[BLEEP]ing useless, like she always is.

VERITY: I bet.

Cut to Verity in the interview room.

VERITY: It’s really hard, what these rumors have done to Katie. I mean, Angelica has this beef with Jeffrey for no reason. Jeffrey is a perfect gentleman, I’ll have you know—and Angelica, in her...sickness...is going around calling him a “manslut.”

Cut back to Katie in her bedroom.

KATIE: I just think that they’re picking on Jeffrey because Keith and Roger are gay. I mean, look at them, they have to be. They’re probably cheating on those two girls with each other.

VERITY: Well, I don’t know if that’s fair.

KATIE: I just know that if they don’t find my man impressive, I want them to know they ended up with a couple of dumb uggos too.

Verity laughs.

Cut Marilyn and Vanessa getting coffee together in Vanessa’s room. Like all the ladies, Vanessa makes her room look like her house back on Earth as much as possible.

MARILYN: Hey, thanks for getting together with me first thing.

VANESSA (glancing at the camera): Yeah, no problem. How are you?

MARILYN: I’m alright. Tired after Katie’s shindig last night.

VANESSA: Oof. Less said about that, the better.

MARILYN: No kidding. Angelica looked like she was gonna start foaming at the mouth.

VANESSA: I think you’re thinking of Katie. Heh—maybe it was both of them. I tried to step in and say something, but I guess that just made things worse…

MARILYN: It was a crazy night, that’s for sure. (Beat) Hey, do you really believe Angelica, that Jeffrey’s cheating on Katie with someone?

VANESSA (after a pause): Not really. I mean, it’s possible.

Marilyn gives her a sassy look, and changes the subject.

MARILYN: Well, hey, thanks also for agreeing to go to Church with me. I realize Church isn’t much out here in the Exteriority—at least, it’s not the same as it is…back home.

VANESSA: Yeah, no, it’s...okay. I’m glad to go with you.

Cuts to Vanessa in the interview room.

VANESSA: I don’t really believe in God quite as much as Marilyn—I mean, I wouldn’t call her a Jesus Freak or anything like that—but even I know where to draw the line with religion. And you know who I vote for. (Laughs) Or, y’know, voted for. When I lived...i-in America. (Quietly) On Earth.

Cuts back.

MARILYN: I’d say the car’s waiting for us, but, uh—it isn’t! (Laughs) Guess we’d better take these coffees to go, it’s a longer walk.

VANESSA: I’m ready.

They stand up and go. Marilyn starts humming “Holy, Holy, Holy! Lord God Almighty!”

VANESSA: Hallelujah! Another day in Paradise!

* * *

This was home to someone once. A young man named Mike. His summer home—his private Heaven on Earth.

Talia finds his old photographs hidden beneath the toppled fridge. Some of these pictures were taken out here, by the lake. In most of them Mike seems serene and happy. Occasionally he’s with friends, or people who look like family. He’s dead now, nearly ten years dead—and she recognizes another of the young men in the photo, one of the friends. She can’t remember his name suddenly, but he’s dead too.

The man she’s come to find killed them both.

Talia Steeple is like nearly everyone on Earth, in that she has no idea who the Director is. But for the last few years she’s worked hard to find out. The tapes and DVDs of the murderous “reality shows” the mysterious serial killer has made have been numerous, but they’ve never given any hint to his identity. He keeps his features concealed under a strange mask which made it appear as though his whole head has been severely burned. Talia once managed to de-modulate his voice from the recordings, but it didn’t match any that NOCTURNE had on record. It’s like he’s a ghost.

Maybe he is.

This house, left barren and filthy, feels haunted. The memories of the dead still linger here, and she doesn’t like disturbing them.

But now her inspection of the ground floor is complete. The upper floor is a wreck and can’t be accessed. And so there’s nowhere else to go but down.

Down into the crawlspace.

It was in this crawlspace, under this house, that the Director had tortured and killed Mike and many others. He had made them play sick games modeled on reality shows in order to prove some sort of point about how humanity was cynical and shortsighted. Agent Steeple is normally a big reality TV fan, but some shit goes too far for her. Obviously, TV networks never air anything too sick—for now. But if the Internet is any prophet of the future, it shows there’s big money in the shock stuff. She thinks of when she was a kid and her friends showed her sites like BunnySmoothie and Putrescence—sites meant to make you throw up and have nightmares for the rest of your life. The Internet hadn’t waited long at all to open the gates to the gross stuff. Hidden among the wild nostalgic bits of lore like ghost-girl chain emails, DeviantArt OCs, and Alexandria’s Genesis, there’s plenty of real, actual evil.

She has to laugh a little, in spite of everything. Since joining NOCTURNE, she’s found out that Alexandria’s Genesis is actually real—albeit predominantly in its Type II form, which doesn’t manifest aesthetically. It’s one of the first of many legends she learned to have a grain of truth, though the New Agers who take it as a sign of the moral and scientific correctness of eugenics can’t be further from reality.

She’s merely delaying the inevitable. Now she’s going down the stairs, into the small cellar. There isn’t much left of the original cellar, as investigators had torn up the floor to expose the crawlspace, and ripped all the appliances out in the process. The crawlspace will be naked before her when she greets it.

Suddenly Agent Steeple wonders why she’s doing this alone. She’s chosen to, of course—she can always customize her missions as she needed. But now she realizes that if her contingencies failed, she’ll be in deep shit.

But how does that differ from anything else she ever does?

She’s at the bottom, then, and suddenly she finds herself gazing down into the raw wound of the crawlspace. All these years later and she can still see the blood; it stains the floor underneath, and will never wash out. The places where the cameras had been rigged up have been left intact as well, though the cameras themselves have long since disappeared into an FBI evidence locker. Their ghosts seem to leave imprints in the air.

“Evil deeds open evil doors,” Steeple’s father had warned her. Every hair on her body stands on end.

Of all the terrible places in the Multiverse—all the hellholes, cosmic dungeons, and slime-pits—which one would be terrible enough to suit the deeds committed here?

Tania Steeple gazes down into the crawlspace.

And the crawlspace seems to gaze back up at her.

* * *

Verity and Katie are in the restaurant set pretending to eat from empty plates. They have large cocktails, which they sip from occasionally. They stop for a second when they see the cameras are rolling.

VERITY (after a beat): So good.

KATIE: And so light on calories.

VERITY: I used to hate salad but now I’d die without it.

Verity covers her mouth as she chews, talks, and points off into the distance.

VERITY: Oh, f[BLEEP]. That’s not who I think it is, is it?

The cameras pan over to reveal Angelica walking into the restaurant, wearing a sun dress and designer sunglasses. Upon spotting Katie she lowers her glasses and shoots a spiteful look.

KATIE: S[BLEEP]. She’s not coming over here. Please tell me she’s not coming over here.

Cut to Katie in the interview room.

KATIE: You know the shark repellant bat-spray from the old Adam West Batman movie? I wish there was a-a...a bat...Angelica-repelling spray. Batman, please become real and make that for me.

Cut back.

ANGELICA: Well, hello, you two! Fancy seeing you here!

She smiles at the pair, who stare at her bitterly.

VERITY: Fancy seeing you here.

KATIE: What do you want, Angelica?

ANGELICA: Hey, I’m—just glad to see my two good friends here, at the same place I picked for lunch.

KATIE: We were here first.

Angelica makes a face. Cut to her in interview.

ANGELICA: “We were here first”—bitch, please. What are you, a middle-schooler?

Cut back.

VERITY: I-I think maybe you should just air your feelings, Katie. Angie, Katie had some things she wanted to say to you last night.

ANGELICA (looking at Katie): Oh?

KATIE (shooting an angry look at Verity): I just think...maybe you could’ve thought a bit more before coming to my party and making a scene by bringing up stuff about my husband that you know isn’t true.

ANGELICA: It’s just as true as your saying that my husband is gay.

KATIE: Well—your words, not mine, dear.

ANGELICA: What’s that supposed to mean?

KATIE: I’m just saying, when the subject came up, Marilyn was very sure that Keith is very much not into women, so…

ANGELICA: Wait, wait, hold on. What was that?

KATIE: I said, Marilyn seemed like she had proof that Keith is secretly gay.

Angelica stares in disbelief.

ANGELICA: She was the one who said that to you.

KATIE: Look, hon, I told you it wasn’t my theory! I was just repeating what someone said to me!

ANGELICA: Hey, you didn’t say it was Marilyn at the time. Why is that part of the story now?

KATIE: I didn’t want to say it in front of her, because then she’d get into a whole stink, and deny she’d even said it...it just didn’t seem like the right time.

Verity is staring half-judgmentally at Katie. Cut to her in interview.

VERITY: Look, I knew Katie was an ice-cold bitch, but I didn’t know she’d go this far. Claiming Marilyn made up the Keith-is-gay story? C’mon. Why set two people up to fight with such a brazen lie?

Cut back.

ANGELICA: Look, Katie—I want to apologize about the whole Jeffrey thing. I-I think initially, I was worried.

KATIE (scoffing): About what?

ANGELICA: I—don’t know to say this, because I know it will make you mad. But I really do think that Jeremy might be having an affair with someone.

KATIE: You need to stop that s[BLEEP] right now.

ANGELICA: Honey, no. Look. Back home, I was married to this guy before Keith. We were married when I lived in Chicago, before I moved next door to you. His name was Eddie. I loved him a lot.

One day things changed. And I couldn’t figure out how they changed, much less why. I just knew things were different. The air tends to get sucked out of the room really quick when infidelity starts. And you know from the first second when it’s happening. And I denied it for a long, long time but all my friends knew. And I hated that they were right. It was humiliating.

I...know how much Jeremy means to you, Katie, and I knew how much he’s loved you too. But he’s started changing. You can see it in his face. And I don’t want you or any other woman to get hurt the way I did.

There is a long pause at the two stare at each other.

KATIE: ...are you done?

ANGELICA (disappointed): Yeah. Yeah, I’m done. (Sighs) I’m gonna go try to find Marilyn. I think she’s going down to that weird Church of hers today.

She leaves. Once she’s gone, Verity turns towards Katie, and gently slaps her shoulder.

VERITY: You’re such a f[BLEEP]ing liar, Katie.

KATIE: What, she lied to me with that BS about being worried about me. God, was she trying to win an Emmy?

VERITY: But you said Marilyn told you she thought Keith was gay.

KATIE: Yeah, so?

VERITY (exasperated): Marilyn wouldn’t say something like that. (Scoffs) Who started this gay thing?

Katie doesn’t answer.

VERITY: Who?

KATIE: Who started the “Jeff is cheating on me thing,” huh? Huh? Are you on her side or mine?

VERITY: I—I’m just—just—

She suddenly seems very flustered.

KATIE: Hey, what’s wrong?

VERITY: Nothing. I should probably go, I have to go check in on the people running my eyeliner line. I have my product launch later this month.

KATIE: Okay, see you later.

She rolls her eyes.

KATIE: “Product launch.”

Cut over to Marilyn and Vanessa wandering the yellow hallways together. As they walk along, the hallways slowly start getting darker.

VANESSA: Sucks that your Church is so far out in the Level.

MARILYN: Least we’re getting our workout in for today.

VANESSA: Ha, I guess.

MARILYN: Beats having to travel to other Levels, too. I’m glad I’ve never gone on vacation with you girls.

VANESSA: Yeah, once we leave the home Level we get a little bitchy. Bitchi-er. We always fight.

MARILYN: Nooo, really?

VANESSA: Hey, judge not lest ye be judged, girl.

MARILYN: Too true, too true…

Cut to them arriving in the church—a small grotto-like space built into one of the Level’s many empty rooms. It is like a Catholic cathedral, with paintings of Jesus and Mary over an altar, and many candles burning low. Worshipers are sitting on the floor cross-legged, wearing hooded robes and nuns’ habits. Vanessa looks a little uncomfortable as she enters.

VANESSA (whispering): Do I need the nun get-up, or…?

MARILYN: Shh! Let’s wait until we get down into the undercroft.

They pass beyond the altar into near-absolute darkness. It turns out that this dark space contains a staircase leading down. The two women start to descend. Midway through, Vanessa turns around suddenly to face the camera.

VANESSA: Hey, maybe you don’t need to film this.

Long pause as the cameraman realizes she’s talking to him.

CAMERAMAN: You mean me?

VANESSA: Yeah.

Marilyn tugs her sleeve.

MARILYN: Hey, hey, don’t worry about it.

CAMERAMAN: I don’t—

MARILYN (to the camera): Never mind. Come on. We’re gonna pray down here.

They finish climbing down, entering into a large vault-like space with brick walls, very different from the rest of the Level. There are a few men in robes down here, but they bow and depart upon glimpsing the cameraman.

VANESSA: Hey—before we pray—I have a confession to make.

MARILYN: What, here? Now? I guess it’s the right place for it. Though I’m hardly a priest.

VANESSA: I know.

She hesitates.

MARILYN: What? What is it?

VANESSA: I may have spread some rumors.

MARILYN: Rumors? What rumors? (Drops to a whisper) Wait, were you the one who started saying that Jeremy was cheating on Katie?

VANESSA: No, that was Angelica. I-I was the one who said that Keith was gay.

MARILYN: I thought you said that Verity had said that.

VANESSA: Verity added the rumor that Roger was gay. She knew that I was going after Keith, so she threw my man into the mix too. You know, Verity, she—she loves the drama.

MARILYN: But why did you say that Keith is gay?

VANESSA: I-I’ve wanted to f[BLEEP] Keith for years. In fact, last time Angie had a party, I came onto him, but he wanted to stay loyal to her. I was mad and so I lashed out at him.

MARILYN (smiling thinly): But why is it so bad for someone to be gay?

The two glance into the camera briefly. Then, they turn away. It can be seen they are both shaking.

MARILYN: Let’s pray. We came here to pray, let’s pray.

They kneel and fold their hands.

MARILYN: Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.

She pauses.

VANESSA: Uh—thy kingdom come, thy will be done out here as it is in Heaven.

MARILYN: Give us this day our daily bread.

BOTH: And forgive us our trespasses. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

They lower their hands, and after a moment, slowly stand and turn around. They are both holding kitchen knives in their hands. The camera visibly shakes.

MARILYN: For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever.

BOTH: Amen.

CAMERAMAN: H-hold on. Hold on, ladies, let’s—

The camera lowers to the floor.

CAMERAMAN: Ladies, is this a stunt? Is this a bit? Because I don’t think the Director had this on the itinerary for today.

MARILYN: It’s not your fault, kid.

VANESSA: Nothing personal.

CAMERAMAN: What—what do you mean “nothing personal”? You’re not actually gonna hurt me, are you?

They are silent. He starts backing away—he lifts the camera back up to face them.

CAMERAMAN: You know, working for you bitches isn’t exactly a walk in the fucking park. I’ll take whatever gig keeps me fed in the Backrooms, but I get so sick of hearing you grouse and gossip with each other all day. So don’t think you can just spring this shit on me, because you think you’re better than me or whatever. I’m not gonna take it! The Director’s on my side!

VANESSA: The Director. I hate that sorry son of a—

MARILYN: Little boy, you are so nasty and so rude. You want to talk about walks in the park? How about finally getting your own reality series after years of praying for one, only to find out that part of the fine print is becoming an exile in an another dimension, where your boss is a fucking creep who puts a gun to your head at all times? Who makes you starve yourself and drink so much booze you can feel your liver melting? How would you feel if you had to constantly play a bitch, even when it wearies you out and degrades your fucking principles?

VANESSA: You think we like acting like this? No, honey. But we’re boss bitches. We kept up the act until we had enough courage to strike back.

CAMERAMAN: You dumb girls are nuts! You don’t stand a chance. Even if you somehow escaped the Director—which no one has ever done by the way!—you can’t get out of the Exteriority. Not back to your original Earth. Believe me, I tried—and you’d better listen to me when I tell you that it’s better you don’t see some of the places this place touches!

VANESSA: Oh, yeah? What the hell are you talking about?

CAMERAMAN: I-I’ve seen Levels that are alive, where the walls breathe. I’ve seen the Living Bones of Infinada, locked in his hateful prison. They—they made me look into a Level home to things that peel and eat people like you would a banana.

MARILYN: Who cares, we’re not sticking around in this shitheap a day longer. Take us to the Director, now.

CAMERAMAN: If I take you to him, he’ll kill me!

VANESSA: If you don’t take us there, I’ll kill you!

CAMERAMAN: I’m getting the hell out of here!

He turns and runs, taking the camera with him. As he sprints up the spiral stairs into the Church, he suddenly finds the monks and nuns blocking his path.

CAMERAMAN: Aah! You’re in league with those bitches!

He turns away from them and finds himself face-to-face with Vanessa, whose eyes, open wide with an uncanny fury, flash briefly in front of the camera as she screams and runs her knife into his chest. He lets out a cry of pain and falls down the stairs, dropping the camera as he does so. The lens cracks, distorting the image, but the camera keeps recording. The shadow of the cameraman’s fallen form is at the edge of the frame. He doesn’t move again.

Marilyn bends down and picks up the camera; as she lifts it, we get a good look at Vanessa. Her dress is stained with blood, and blood drips from her knife as well.

MARILYN: Oh, Jesus Christ in Heaven, please forgive us.

VANESSA: God ain’t gonna forgive what we’re gonna do, honey.

MARILYN (whispering): Hey, keep it down.

She turns around, revealing that some of the worshippers from above are coming down. They hold no ill will towards the House Wives. A monk steps forward, speaking slowly.

MONK: Your friend is damned, Sister Marilyn. But we shall not deal her punishment. Only the Lord may do that.

VANESSA: Gee, thanks a lot.

MONK: We are but humble pilgrims in God’s Purgatory, awaiting cleansing. It is not ours to intervene. I, personally, wish you good luck on absconding from this place, though I suspect that Hell is what awaits you outside.

He sets a hand on Marilyn’s shoulder. She looks uncomfortable.

MONK: May Christ spare you from the Flaying, Sister Marilyn. May you give dark blood to Christ and agonize for him.

MARILYN: And you as well.

The church-goers part and allow the two women to leave. They climb out of the church and go back out into the hallways, striding with purpose in search of another crew member.

* * *

The Agent of NOCTURNE runs a diagnostic on her bungee cord for the third time. Scanner says it’s okay, but she knows not to trust the equipment. Not 100%, anyway. But she can’t check any further—for all she knows, he’s down there. Plotting to make more videos, hurt more people.

She can smell the odor rising up from the crawlspace now. She didn’t notice it until she started looking for it. It smells like sulfur—to some, that would mean she was standing at the gates to Hell. But to her, that’s a sign that ancient people mistook common dimensional breaches and soft spots in the universe for doorways into the worlds of their nightmares. There were signs that people all throughout history had learned to fear the glitches in reality that sent people falling out of the world. And with good reason.

People like the Director could use murder as a way to open doors into this place. One of the most hideous things that evil tinkerers like him did again and again throughout history was use human death as a means of displace spatial reality. Time and space were one, and time and mind were one. Heart and mind were one. To destroy a life, to bring grief into the world, was to bend existence itself. Murder shatters infinite rivers of time in a single instant, collapsing local quantum waveforms into evil physicalities.

She tethers her bungee cord to her belt, and readies her sidearm.

And then she takes a flying jump from the edge of the basement floor into the crawlspace.

She never hits the bottom. Instead she vanishes, slipping sideways between dimensions.

And then she is standing in a long corridor. Her surroundings: the stink of old moist carpet, the madness of yellowed walls…

She draws her pistol. It’s been a long time since she’s been out here. But she still remembers enough to fear this place.

She has good reason to. Almost immediately, she’s alerted something or a horde of somethings to her presence, like a fly stepping on a strand of spiderweb.

From down the repetitive yellow corridors comes the sound of many voices. All of them garbled and gurgled, but still clearly human. A mob of wraith-white pillagers clad in rags, with beards going down to their ankles, bursts out from behind a distant corner, and starts charging in her direction. She can just barely see them, but she can make out their features, as well as the fact that they bear weapons—stone axes and crudely-smithed swords.

“Lang lyfe þǣm cræftigan lybbendra gesewena!” they cry. “Cræftigan! Cræftigan!”

Many of the humans who noclip into this strange land are driven insane, and form idiosyncratic cults that worship uncanny lopsided memories of life on Earth. This bunch is no doubt an example of such.

She has no interest in trying to reason with them. Instead she turns and dashes off, hoping to lose them in the maze of passages.

* * *

Cuts to Angelica walking down the hallway towards Marilyn’s church. Eventually she and her cameraman reach the front entrance and they go inside.

ANGELICA: Hello? Marilyn? You in here?

The monks and nuns ignore her. She walks over to the stairs to the undercroft. She looks down and sees a trail of blood.

ANGELICA: What the fuck?! Hey, hey! Priest guys! Where’d this blood come from?!

They continue to ignore her.

ANGELICA: Hey, you better not have hurt anyone! I’ll fuck all you guys up if you start making human sacrifices!

Once again, they do not react to her presence. She looks at where the blood trail leads. She sees that it heads back out the door.

ANGELICA (grumbling): Can’t believe I didn’t see that coming in…

She goes back into the yellow hallway, and continues on in the direction she was heading. Her expression is a serious one as she keeps an eye open for Marilyn.

After a long while, she starts reaching a part of the hallway where the right-hand wall has a number of square alcoves built into it, evenly spaced apart. She continues walking along in silence, for what seems like half a mile or so.

The camera jerks suddenly and the cameraman can be heard to let out a cry. He struggles for a moment and drops the camera. Angelica shouts and quickly picks it up, turning it around to show that Vanessa and Marilyn (who were hiding in an alcove) are restraining the cameraman, with the latter holding her knife at his throat. They have disposed of the broken camera they took from the cameraman.

ANGELICA: What the absolute fuck are you bitches doing?!

VANESSA: Angelica! I’m so glad it’s you! We’re busting outta here! We’re sick of that fucking Director and his horseshit!

ANGELICA: I—wha—

MARILYN: This is the big push, Angie! We’re going to escape, we’re gonna go back home!

ANGELICA: What—by taking a cameraman prisoner? The Director doesn’t give a shit about the camera crew. He’s got his own team behind him.

MARILYN: Then we’ll take them all down, one by one! The Director, and anyone else who’ll help him!

Angelica stares at Marilyn for a while. She starts pushing the camera into her face.

MARILYN: Put that away. Put that thing down.

ANGELICA: Why did you start the rumor that Keith’s gay?

MARILYN: What? I didn’t. That does matter now. None of that drama crap matters now.

ANGELICA: To you it doesn’t matter maybe. But to me it’s still my husband who’s taking shit. It’s still my reputation on the line.

VANESSA: Angie...listen. I—

ANGELICA: Hey, Vanessa, some advice? Shut the fuck up. You always stick your nose in where it doesn’t belong. Like yeah, last night, you stood up for me, and now you’re standing up for Mar, but uh, a week ago, you stood up for Katie against me. So I think you just like picking the winning side, whatever it happens to be in the moment, and you run with it because you don’t have any points to make yourself. Because you don’t have a life!

CAMERAMAN (weakly): Let me go.

MARILYN: Shut up! Don’t make us drop you like we did your little friend.

CAMERAMAN: Y-you killed Kyle…? You monsters—!

ANGELICA (laughing): Wow—you’re a real crazy bitch, aren’t you? You’ll do anything to hog the camera.

VANESSA: Listen, Angie, you’ve got it all wrong. It’s my fault. I started the Keith rumor. It was fucking stupid of me, and I’m sorry.

ANGELICA: Then why did Katie say that Marilyn started the rumor?

MARILYN: Katie?

VANESSA: That little whore! She’s as big a liar as that goddamn Verity.

ANGELICA: Oh, now Verity’s a liar! Incredible! This just gets better and better. And praytell, what is our little Ms. Ojo lying about? Because in my mind, she’s always been too dull to have any skeletons in her closet.

VANESSA: Well, first of all, she’s the one who called Roger gay. Second of all—as if it wasn’t fucking obvious—she’s the one who’s sleeping with Jeffrey.

Though we can’t see Angelica, the shudder in the camera shows she’s taken aback.

ANGELICA: Katie’s husband is cheating on her...with her best friend?

She bursts out laughing.

ANGELICA: Well, she’s the spider in the web, isn’t she? Clever little Verity. I bet she thinks this makes her the queen of the season. And it probably does. Something like that is definitely a bigger game-changer than you two doing...this stupid crap.

MARILYN: It’s useless, Vanessa, she’s not coming with us.

Vanessa suddenly points her knife at Angelica.

VANESSA: Get out of the way, Angie.

ANGELICA: Don’t call me Angie, you little two-faced tramp. You’re the one who started the Keith rumor, huh? Well, fuckin’ bring it on, bitch!

She charges forward and tackles Vanessa to the ground, dropping the camera. The two struggle over each other, with Angelica trying to pry the knife from Vanessa’s hand. Marilyn goes to help her friend, but has to release the cameraman in the process. He sprints off down the hallway. The three women fight together for a while, mostly out of frame. Suddenly we see Angelica’s arm swing out, holding Vanessa’s knife. The sound of flesh being pierced can be heard, followed by a gasp, and the sound of Vanessa screaming.

Marilyn’s bleeding form flops back into view. She stares into the fallen camera as she swiftly bleeds out and dies. Angelica and Vanessa can be seen out of focus in the background, gazing in disbelief at her corpse.

VANESSA: You—you killed her. You dumb bitch, you fucking killed her!

ANGELICA: You tried to kill me.

She starts moving towards Vanessa, who staggeringly backs away.

VANESSA: No, Angie, no! No, don’t do it! Angie, we have to stop that cameraman, we have to get the Director, and get out of here—we have to get out of—

She screams and jumps to her feet, just as Angelica lunges at her with the knife. She runs away from her fellow House Wife, sprinting towards the camera. Her foot comes down heavily on the camera and crushes the lens, cutting the shot.

* * *

Talia managed to elude her pursuers, and has now been wandering in silence for several minutes. And so it’s hard for her not to jump a little when she hears footsteps rushing towards her. She wonders if maybe one of the barbarian-men broke away from the horde to follow her.

She’ll soon find out. There’s a bunch of square alcoves in the wall on her left. She ducks into one of them, and waits until the footsteps are about to pass her.

A man sprints past the mouth of the alcove, and she pokes her head out after he dashes past her. He’s wearing a flannel shirt and khakis. Not one of the guys from earlier, then. He looks scared out of his mind.

She calls after him: “Hey!”

He keeps running. She sighs, and cocks her gun.

“Freeze!” she cries. She doesn’t aim at him.

At once, he stops running, and he turns around, shaking like a leaf.

“Don’t kill me! Don’t kill me—!”

“I’m not gonna kill you,” she says, “I just wanted to get your attention.”

“Those crazy bitches are gonna kill me! And—and if I don’t warn the boss, he’ll kill me!”

“What do you mean, crazy bitches?”

He breaks away and starts running again. This time she fires a warning shot, aiming nearly straight up in the air.

“Freeze!” she shouts again.

“What do you want, you stupid woman?!”

“Who are the women? And who is your boss?”

“What, are you from the Frontrooms or something? Haven’t you seen the Actual House Wives shows?”

“Oh my God—is there an Actual House Wives of the Backrooms?”

“Something like that. But those ladies have gone crazy, they’re trying to break out of the show. They think the Director won’t liquidate them.”

Agent Steeple’s blood runs cold.

“The Director?”

The man starts to leave again, but this time Talia runs forward and tackles him to the ground. She doesn’t have time to fuck around.

“Let me go, for fuck’s sake!”

“No! I came here to find the Director. Tell me about him. Now!”

“Ahh! He’s—he’s the premiere media producer in the Exteriority! He’s been active out here for a long time—he noclipped out here years ago. His empire stretches through hundreds of Levels. He produces all sorts of different shows, and broadcasts them for everyone to see!”

An empire. He’s taken root down here, like a deadly fungus.

“Please! If I don’t let him know the House Wives are going crazy—he’ll shoot me in the head!”

“I’ll let you go—but I’ll be right behind.”

“I-I don’t care what you do. I just want to live.”

She climbs off of him. She points back the way he came.

“You say that those...House Wives, are down that way?”

“Yes. I won’t go back. I’m not going to get caught up in their stupid attempt to escape.”

“I don’t blame you. I’ve seen the Actual House Wives shows before—and those women make their stock and trade in going bananas.”

* * *

Katie and Verity are still hanging out together in the restaurant set, when a cameraman enters the shot unexpectedly.

CAMERAMAN: Ladies? We need to get out of here. Come with me.

KATIE: What? What do you mean?

CAMERAMAN: I’m afraid that Angelica and Vanessa have gone rogue. Marilyn is dead. Please, there’s no time, you need to come with me.

The two women shoot up from their seats.

VERITY: Marilyn, dead? What the hell are you talking about?!

CAMERAMAN: The program is not going the way it’s supposed to. Angelica is armed and dangerous. If you don’t come with me, you will face the consequences.

Katie and Verity look at each other in concern.

VERITY: We can’t go anywhere without Katie’s husband.

KATIE: She’s right. Where’s Jeffrey? Is he still at work?

CAMERAMAN: I’m afraid we don’t know where Mr. Ruben is. Now, come on, we’re out of time, let’s go—

Just then, Vanessa bursts onto the scene.

VANESSA: Help! Help! She’s trying to kill me!

Katie goes back into the kitchen of the restaurant, and comes back with a knife.

KATIE: I always knew that fucking bitch would go off the deep end. I’m ready for her.

VERITY: Katie...be careful. Don’t kill her! It’s Angelica! We’ve worked with her for—for months now!

KATIE: We can’t pretend any of this shit is normal anymore, Ver. This is fucked up. That Director guy has been messing with all our heads, Angelica’s especially. She can’t take the pressure of being trapped outside of existence.

VERITY: Who can blame her? We all want to go back.

VANESSA: She—she killed Marilyn! She killed her!

KATIE: And she’s not going to kill anyone else.

CAMERAMAN: Would you just all come with me? The boss wants us all to fall back to home base. We’ll be safe there.

VANESSA: I can hear her coming!

Cut to a shot from the other camera, looking out into the hall that leads into the restaurant. We can see the shadowy form of Angelica as she runs towards them. She is still holding Vanessa’s knife in her hand.

She dashes into the room, but Katie is ready for her. She lets out a furious scream and charges towards her knife-first. Angelica’s rage blinds her, and before she knows it Katie’s knife has sunk deep into her stomach. Her face goes pale as blood runs down her legs.

A smile develops across Katie’s face.

KATIE: Always hated you, always. Your husband’s a fag and you fucking lied about Jeff cheating on me.

Angelica starts smiling herself.

ANGELICA (weakly): Verity…

KATIE: What?

ANGELICA: Verity...fucked…

She dies.

VANESSA: Oh my God. Oh my God, Angie…

KATIE: I—I killed her.

VERITY: Shut up, both of you! Let’s just go with the camera crew now! She’s fucking dead, and there’s nothing we can do.

KATIE: What—what she saying about you?

VERITY: ...what?

KATIE: Her last words were…“Verity fucked.” Verity fucked who?

Vanessa turns and stares at Verity.

VANESSA: Just tell her.

VERITY (laughing): Tell her what?

VANESSA: Uh, the truth?

VERITY: What truth?

KATIE: Verity?

VERITY: She’s bluffing, Kate. Vanessa’s a liar. She started the whole thing about Keith being gay because he rejected her.

KATIE: Seriously?

VANESSA: It’s true, Katie. But it’s equally true that Verity has been fucking your husband’s brains out six nights a week!

A long silence ensues.

KATIE: Verity…

VERITY: She’s lying. She’s a fucking liar, Katie!

KATIE: I swear to God, if Angelica was telling the truth…(She looks down at Angelica’s body.) Oh my God. Did I kill her for something that wasn’t her fault?

VANESSA: I mean, she—she did try to stab me.

KATIE: Oh my God. She wasn’t lying when she said that she felt Jeffrey was cheating. And I—wasn’t wrong when I felt it.

VERITY: Hey, Katie, let’s not get carried away here. I mean, are you really gonna trust the two of them?

KATIE: Ver, you told me Jeff wouldn’t cheat on me. I cried on your shoulder.

VERITY: Yes, because all of these bitches—are liars!

KATIE: Her husband cheated on her, and she was trying to protect me! And you tricked me! And I killed her!

Verity hesitates, and then clenches her fists.

VERITY: Okay, fine. I fucked your precious little Jeffy-poo. I wanted to show you, Vanessa Antonio, that I know how to land a man! Maybe you failed with Keith, because you’re a goddamn butterface, but I’ve still got it. Jeffrey was like putty in my hands, Kate. He begged for my body. He said I was the most beautiful woman on the show, and you know what? He’s right. You’re all a bunch of saggy, crow’s-feet-ridden old sluts. You, Mrs. Ruben, were fucking engaged seventeen times. And every one of those men left you as soon as they used up what they could of your dry, dusty husk. So fuck. You. I’m richer than you, I’m hotter than you, I’m more popular than you—what do I need of your so-called “friendship?” I don’t need to waste my pity on old crones. It was a pleasure to bang your man, and by the way, he was pretty bad next to some of the boys I’ve had. Good luck with him, his dick’s shorter than a used crayon and he still thinks you’re fucking crap in the sack. I hope you die. Bitch.

As Verity has been speaking the camera has been zooming in on her. Now it cuts over to Katie, whose shoulders are heaving up and down. Her face is bright red and twisted with rage.

KATIE: You. Fucking. Bitch!

She lunges at her, and Vanessa steps back as the two fight. One of the cameraman loops around and tries to get a closer look of the fight. It’s swiftly turning bloody, as the two use their teeth and nails on each other. Katie bites hard on Verity’s ear, and in response Verity jams her thumb in her eye.

The video glitches at this point, and cuts out for approximately six minutes. When it returns, Katie is lying on the ground, and she is not breathing or moving. Her trachea has been punctured by Verity’s thumbs, due to Verity strangling her with her full strength.

Vanessa is in the corner screaming and crying. She pauses briefly to vomit.

VANESSA: Why?! Why me?!?

The camera pans over to Verity, who is soaked in blood and shell-shocked. Her eyes stare ahead widely and blankly.

She slowly turns towards the camera, and her gaze burns deep into the lens. Just then, she jumps forward and takes the camera from the cameraman.

When she brings the camera back up, we see the two cameramen running away in terror. Slowly, the view turns to face Vanessa. Vanessa realizes Verity is looking at her.

VANESSA: Don’t touch me! Don’t hurt me!

VERITY: Honestly, bitch, it should’ve been all me this whole time. The Verity Ojo Show!

She bends down and picks up one of the knives. She starts closing in on Vanessa, when suddenly she hears something—a sound coming from one of the hallways. The overhead lights start flickering.

* * *

AGENT STEEPLE and a cameraman step into view of one of the hidden stationary cams. The latter follows the Agent only hesitantly.

CAMERAMAN: We shouldn’t be doing this…

STEEPLE: No, I heard shouting, and I need to check it out.

CAMERAMAN: For all you know, it’s just some poor bastard being eaten by one of the monsters lurking down here.

STEEPLE: Then we should try to help them!

The cameraman has no response. The two of them creep along the hall, unknowingly heading towards the restaurant.

Slowly, the entrance of the set comes into view. The lights inside continue to flicker, with the intervals of darkness lasting longer and longer as time goes on. A strange electrical hum has started sounding through the air.

All of a sudden, a figure bolts out of the restaurant, screaming. She crashes into Agent Steeple, and the two struggle together for a time. The cameraman cries out and runs back the way he and Steeple came.

STEEPLE: Hey! Hey! Get back here!

She turns her attention to her attacker. She grabs her, shoves her off, and throws her against a wall. A knife clatters to the floor. Wordlessly, Steeple drives the figure back into the restaurant, where again she struggles with her assailant.

VERITY: Stop her! Stop her! She’s trying to kill me!

VANESSA: What?! No, I’m not!

Cut over to Vanessa’s perspective—she has picked up one of the cameras the fleeing cameramen dropped. Verity is pointing at her and doing her best to look scared.

VERITY: Whoever you are, stop this woman! She’s a murderer! She killed my friends and now she’s trying to kill me!

VANESSA: That’s a lie! She killed Katie! She’s been manipulating all of us all along!

STEEPLE: Whoa, slow down. Stop struggling, you! I—

Just then, Verity pops a lucky punch in Agent Steeple’s face. She yanks her gun out of her hand and turns it on Vanessa.

VANESSA: Verity, no! Verity! Verity please don’t hurt me, I’ll give you anything, please please please…

VERITY: You don’t have anything to offer me I don’t already have.

She shoots her, and her bullet goes through the camera, destroying it. Cut back over to the overhead cams. Steeple and Verity are now left staring at Vanessa’s corpse—the shot killed her instantly. Steeple jabs against Verity’s ribs and disarms her, catching the gun before it can hit the ground. She turns it on the sole surviving House Wife.

STEEPLE: You’re going to tell me what’s going on, right now.

VERITY: Th-this isn’t my fault, I swear! Those awful bitches made me do it!

STEEPLE: First, I just saw you shoot that woman, so actually it is partially your fault. Second, you’re going to tell me everything you know about the Director.

VERITY: You saw! You saw, Vanessa was crazy! You know, Vanessa Antonio? She was crazy even before she ended up out here. You must’ve heard the scandals.

STEEPLE: Not really, no.

VERITY: I had to kill her. It was her or me!

STEEPLE: Did the Director decide those terms for you?

Verity seems surprised by the statement, and thinks about it for a moment.

STEEPLE: Never mind. I’m getting you out of here, but not before I find the Director.

VERITY: How do you expect to find him?

STEEPLE: Simple—stay in one place. There were how many of you House Wives?

VERITY: Uh, five, counting me.

STEEPLE: And they’re all dead?

VERITY: Y-yes.

STEEPLE: Most directors would want to check in on their productions after losing 80% of their cast—just a guess.

At that moment, the cameras glitch out again, obscuring the view of the restaurant set. The humming sound that permeates the room grows louder. Occasionally the video returns, and it slowly becomes clear the walls of the restaurant are starting to change. Their surfaces ripple like pools of water. Agent Steeple and Verity start looking around the room frantically, and can be seen speaking to each other, though the hum obscures their voices.

Something seems to catch their attention, and they turn to focus on it. The wall behind them starts to melt, and a tall figure wearing a mask that resembles burnt flesh emerges. He is dressed from the head down all in black. As soon as he steps into the room, the camera stops glitching.

DIRECTOR: Boo.

His voice comes out much deeper than that of a normal human. Verity jumps and screams, while Steeple turns around slowly.

STEEPLE: Well. It’s about time.

DIRECTOR: That’s what I was about to say, Agent Steeple. I’m truly surprised it took you this long to catch up with me.

STEEPLE: Actually, given how little time I’ve spent now in the Backrooms, I’d say I’ve been quite lucky. I could’ve had to wander through infinite hells forever, but, here you are.

DIRECTOR: Isn’t it all convenient?

STEEPLE: I see you’ve found a new crawlspace—a much bigger one.

DIRECTOR: Oh, yes, I’ve been quite busy here. There’s almost too much ground to cover. It’s taken a lot of work to set up all the cameras and mics—and that’s after distributing TVs across the Levels to stoke viewership.

STEEPLE: How...did you do all this? You couldn’t have worked alone.

DIRECTOR: Sorry, but I can’t discuss behind-the-scenes secrets with the press.

STEEPLE: Can the comedy. Are you coming with me alive, or dead?

DIRECTOR: Neither.

STEEPLE: Doubt it.

She shoots him, but suddenly the camera distorts and breaks into static. When the static clears, it seems that Steeple missed.

She fires again, but distortion hits the camera again. The Director still lives.

STEEPLE: What have you become?

DIRECTOR: There’s all sorts of things one can turn into down here, if you go deep enough. You can bathe in the mires of godly ichor and be reborn. Humanity is just one of many masks an eternal soul can wear.

STEEPLE: And yet you choose to keep producing reality TV?

DIRECTOR: My directive has never been more necessary. The Exteriority has fallen into degeneracy and failure. The people trapped out here have become even worse than the people on Earth because they have no dark mirror in which to see themselves. I will provide that mirror and show them the light.

STEEPLE: Right, and the deaths of four women is worth it somehow.

DIRECTOR: Death has always been part of the equation. It’s a good teacher. Fear is a good teacher too.

He raises his hand and snaps his fingers. The walls bend and melt again, and suddenly, three men walk out. Their faces and hands are bloody and distorted, and their clothing is soaked in blood. Steeple recoils at the sight.

STEEPLE: I suspect that we’re approaching the time to leave.

VERITY: J-Jeffrey? Keith, Roger? What—what are you guys doing here?

The figures do indeed resemble the husbands of the House Wives. Verity begins walking towards one.

VERITY: Jeffrey?

STEEPLE: Stand back! Don’t you know it’s a trap?

It becomes clear to Verity that these are men or creatures wearing Jeffrey, Keith and Roger’s flayed skins.

She screams.

STEEPLE: Alright, alright, it’s okay! It’s okay, lady! Just come back now and I’ll pull my cord! Come back now, before it’s too late!

But it is too late. The entity wearing Jeffrey’s hide steps forward and grabs Verity by the hair. At once she realizes her mistake, and kicks and punches at the creature, but to no avail. It drags her towards it while the ones wearing Roger and Keith’s skins close in and encircle her.

Steeple still has her gun, and she aims and fires it at the three minions of the Director. She hits one of them, the one wearing Roger’s skin—he drops to the ground with a low groan. When she fires at the one wearing Jeffrey’s body parts, however, the bullet does nothing.

DIRECTOR: This is my empire, Talia Steeple. I direct everything that happens here. I have complete control over every scene that plays out in this place.

STEEPLE: I’m not one of your House Wives. I’m not a contestant. (She looks at Verity) I wish there was a better way.

VERITY: No, no, please please no…

DIRECTOR: You’re serious? You’re just gonna leave her here? (Laughs) You know that just proves my point, right?

STEEPLE: I know when I’m in over my head. And there’s a whole ocean above me.

She holsters her gun, and pulls back her sleeve to expose a small wristwatch-like gadget—her cord. She activates it, and before the Director can react, she vanishes from sight in a flash.

VERITY: NO! No-o-o, no, no, no…

DIRECTOR: Wise woman. (He turns towards his sobbing prisoner) And now for “the Truthful Eye.”

VERITY: Leave me alone!! I’m never hurt anyone in my life!!

DIRECTOR: The more you struggle, the more you educate. You see, reality TV does have a purpose after all. It’s not just mindless junk—it’s not just something to gawk at. It gives us anti-models. People who we aspire not to be.

VERITY: I’m a successful woman...I don’t deserve this…

DIRECTOR: You raise a good point. We mock House Wives because they’re drunk, and sloppy, and slutty, and belligerent towards each other. But you are actual female icons in a way. Girl power.

VERITY: Just don’t kill me!

DIRECTOR: Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it, Verity. Not in a million years…

Verity screams so loudly that the audio peaks. The recording begins to severely distort, making it appear as though her body is being violently contorted into unnatural shapes. Her arm stretches till her elbow touches her knee, and her jaw seems to extend down the full length of her body. However, this distortion is likely just a glitch of the camera.

* * *

Talia Steeple stops to think about what she’s done, but only for a moment.

That moment seems to last forever.

First the thought of leaving a woman to die. Then the thought of leaving her to not die, but to instead face something hideous and unimaginable.

Except it’s not fully unimaginable, because at this point Steeple can imagine a lot.

She stands at the edge of total collapse, a shame and guilt that swallows everyone and drives one into madness. But she resists that madness’s call. She must live with what she has done, but falling into the abyss won’t undo what’s come to pass.

The moment passes, and the hard part of her takes over.

She brings her bungee cord to her face, and removes it, exposing her wrist-embedded communicator. She whistles the activation frequency and it chimes awake. 

“I'm afraid it's war, Group Captain,” she says, slowly. “Deploy the battalion.”

There's no reply but she knows the Captain's face is as dour as her own. She has no idea if it's actually possible to wage a land war in the Backrooms, but...soon they'll find out. And they’ll find out the hard way.

That woman she left behind…

Did she leave her behind on purpose, so that she could do what she just did?

It can't be that. Her father raised her better.

Or did he merely teach her to be a pistol?

There's something inside her she doesn't think she likes.

And she likes less that it showed on camera.

* * *

The Director leads what used to be Verity Ojo to the Abomination Pens to join her new peers. She whines and growls when she sees their clacking pincers, but there's bait in there to feed her, and she follows it. He closes the electrified gate behind her.

Then he opens the hatch and steps into dark embrace of headquarters. The others have been conferencing and they turn to face him.

“Well?”

“It's a hell of a series finale, I'll give you that much,” the Producer says. His mask is angular and vaguely pyramidal in shape. “I just think that if we tried our best to make a full 250, we could've.”

“I disagree, I think it was very natural,” says the Screenwriter. His covering looks like the head of a fox from an alien world. “Sometimes you don't get nice, even numbers. Sometimes narratives have to fall where they may.”

The Editor puts in, “We need to stop losing cameras, though. First of all it’s expensive.” The Producer nods. The Editor rubs the surface of his spherical helmet as he says: “Worse than expensive is losing valuable perspectives. If we make the cameras harder to break it just makes my job easier.”

“Nothing's worse than expensive,” the Producer says. 

“Listen to him, he pays the bills,” the Director agrees.

“And you two wonder why I want to go indie.”

“Are we missing an argument?” The Marketing Lead and the Set Designer enter the darkened chamber, arm in arm as they always are (they've been dating for three years). The former wears a mask that looks like two gears meshing, while the Set Designer’s resembles a box full of ocean waves. “Please, don’t stop on our account.”

“No arguments, but I might start one with the Director,” the Screenwriter says. “I know my jurisdiction doesn't usually extend to the 'unscripted' programs, but I know he's already thinking of casting for his next show, and I already disagree with his choice.”

“Why?” the Director asks. “Assuming you've read my mind.”

“She's not a good protagonist. She failed to take an active role in the story and she didn't act especially heroic.”

“Well, if you're talking about Agent Steeple,” the Marketing Lead interjects, “we've got the numbers back, and once she entered the narrative our viewership spiked.”

“What, really?”

“Have I ever lied to you, Writer, old pal?”

“Unfortunately, no.”

“I tell ya, she’s a real money-maker if we bank her properly.”

The Director tries not to look smug, but it shows up in his body language anyway. The others notice it, but do not comment on it.

“Well, it seems I’m outvoted. Again,” the Screenwriter says. “I’m with the Editor, the indie scene suddenly seems appealing.”

“You can go wherever you want, mate,” says the Producer. “Plenty of writers out here for us to draw upon.”

“Heh. I’d love for you to find one who writes soaps as good as me.”

“You got me there…”

At the far wall is a giant grid of monitors, showing productions being filmed all across the Backrooms. The Director strides up to it, his arms behind his back.

He watches the muted feed of NOCTURNE’s invasion of The Licorice Show; cast and crew alike are running about like scared jackrabbits. The Agents are arresting people for interrogation.

Agent Steeple is gold for the cameras, but now he has something that’ll hit even better ratings.

Who doesn’t want to keep up-to-date on a war?

THE END