HE

IS

TWO

(Splendid) Ap-Ril Fool's!

Cover art by Natalie Asplund.

Today sees the release of the 100% super-duper canon Star Wars anthology Tales from Apeiron, part of the Expanded Encounters series that builds on Joe Bongiorno's seminal novel Supernatural Encounters: The Trial and Transformation of Arhul Hextrophon. This very serious and inescapably-canonical collection contains my stories "Pvt. Jessup and the Mad Priestess of Auseil" and "Falls the Final Shadow: The Testament of Ultima Umbra." In the former, we learn the diegetic origins of a very famous stock scream - while the latter celebrates (?) the impact left on Star Wars fandom by George Lucas' confidant and totally real best friend, Mickey "SuperShadow" Suttle. Featuring an introduction by Joe Bongiorno, stories by Stuart Bailey, Kevin K. Beentjes, and Corey Carter, and art by Alex Maciel and Jonathan Smith, this is a can't-miss journey through the wild aptemporal realm of Apeiron!

Check it out here!

Umbra Ultima, by the excellent Jonathan Smith.

Art for "Pvt. Jessup and the Mad Priestess of Auseil," by yours truly.

"O.O."

 

The following is a video transcript of the surveillance footage that captured Event O15-2001, a security incident that occurred in the contact vault of Site Zero-Alpha. AUTHORIZED EYES ONLY.

 

(Agent Rodriguez walks into the room and seats himself across from the client. If he is surprised by the client’s unusual appearance, he does not show it.)

RODRIGUEZ: Good afternoon, Mr. Olu. Is it okay if I call you that? Mr. Olu?

ORM OLU: No. Do not call me that. In fact, I’d prefer if you did not refer to me at all.

RODRIGUEZ: Alas, I’ve been assigned to interview you, Mr. Olu, so I have to call you something. What’s a better name for you? (Pause) Mr. Olu, should I—

ORM OLU: Stop! Stop saying that. You can call me O. Or O.O. Or Orm Olu, if you absolutely must. (Growls) But to use “Olu” like a surname is wholly inaccurate.

R: I see. Thank you for clarifying. (Pause) My name is Alejandro Rodriguez, O.O.

O: Am I supposed to care?

R: I just figured you would like to know how to refer to me.

O: I’ve no intent of speaking with you, fleshworm.

 

Open Source Showcase #1: Captain Root Beer

 

The man who would one day become Captain Root Beer was born Johann Rotbier in Holland - at an early age, his family uprooted from their small home and moved to the western United States in search of new work. The airplane flight over the Atlantic captivated young Johann, and for all his days the boy wanted to become an airline pilot. Upon reaching manhood he attended Diamond Runways Flight School in Los Angeles, and made many friends there - one spring day he and his classmates took a road trip out into the California desert, where they found an abandoned ghost town, Sarsaparilla Springs. In the town's dusty old saloon, Johann discovered a small bronze badge with a yellowed note reading: "THIS IS THE SARSAPARILLA TALISMAN - USE IT ONLY FOR GOOD." Upon pinning the Talisman to his lapel, Johann found himself possessed of superhuman strength and the effervescent power of flight, granting him the power to become: Captain Root Beer! Since then, the Captain has used his bubbly sarsaparilla powers to thwart evildoing both on the ground and in the air. (He also does advertisements.)

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This is the first entry in a series of entries on open source characters I have devised. All Open Source Showcase characters and concepts can be used and modified freely and without attribution, no Paragraphs needed. Enjoy!

The Hour of Mormo

Part I

Nightdark Savings Time

3.13.23 – I guess I picked a good day to start this journal. Group’s only been telling me to do it for, what is it, three weeks now? And I think it’s gonna prove to be productive. Especially today. Today, it’s really hard to control the anger.

I was sitting out on the deck, reading the news, when I realized how unusually dark it was. I felt like the sun was supposed to be up, but it was only just peeking above the horizon. That was when I saw the article: in the last funding appropriations bill, some asshole in Congress slipped in a rider that not only abolished Daylight Savings Time, but replaced it with a reversed procedure that adds an extra hour of darkness to the day. My phone auto-syncs, so when my alarm went off I didn’t even realize what had happened. Now I have to wake up in the dark all spring? What the hell’s up with that?

I hate the dark. Hate hate hate it. Definitely an anger trigger there.

But I need to remember that that’s what the therapy is to help me with. I can’t get mad the same way I used to anymore. That’s what drove Heather away, after all—that’s why I can’t see the kids. I’m still frustrated by the government’s attempts to meddle in our lives, but there are constructive ways that I can deal with those feelings. At the very least, if I can’t keep the feelings from being destructive, there are skills I can use to step away from them.

It is really weird, though. “Nightdark Savings Time?” Who voted for that? There’s a bunch of fresh meat in the Senate now, maybe it was one of them.

Oh well. As long as it doesn’t spike my taxes, I’m sure I’ll survive. What’s a little darkness? “Life goes on,” after all, as we say in group.

I think I can beat this anger thing.

Half the battle is just a few deep breaths…

"Based on a True Story" Revisited

 

Dahksa Superbio and the Order of Soonmai are available for use by anyone, with only one condition. This paragraph must be included in any publication involving Dahksa Superbio and the Order of Soonmai, in order that others may use these properties as they wish. All rights reversed.

“It’s, hmm…I don’t know,” said Grant Richmond, alias the Mad Hatter.

“Yeah, it’s, uh…there’s a word for it. I just don’t know what that word is,” said Reuben Reuben, alias the Red Rube.

“I like it!” Persephone exclaimed.

The two superheroes turned to look at her.

“You know, Seph,” the Rube said, raising an eyebrow. “You don’t have to be nice about everything. Especially when there’s no one around to get their feelings hurt.”

“Oh, you don’t care for it?” Grant asked. “Whew, thank goodness. I thought I was the only one.”

“I like it,” Persephone reaffirmed. “I think it’s fun. It’s simple, maybe even crude, but I like the message.”

“The message is hard to figure out,” the Rube said. “And that’s on top of the fact that the art is ugly as sin.”

“I will say, Persephone, I have seen better,” the Hatter said, nodding.